would you be there when i need you?
would you be my listener when i am sad?
would you willing to listen to my grumble?

the feeeling is back.
and i hate that feeling.
it made me feel so sad, made me feel like crying.
why?
i don't want things to happen in this way.
i want to be happy after my Os end.
i don't want to be sad when i should be happy.
i don't want to be smiling when i am sad.
i hate it alot.
i just want things to go on smoothly for me.
i want to enjoy myself after my Os.
i don't want them to be quarrelling.
i don't want to trouble my brother when he is taking his Alevel.
i don't want to trouble my brother when he supposed to be enjoying outside now.
but what can i do? i can't find someone to help me.
i don't want our feeling to be fading but it is.
i don't want to ask you cause i am scared.
i don't want to be acting like nothing happen.
but i have to force myself to be doing that.
cause i don't anything to happen that will change our relationship.
please don't be so good to me, i am scare.
why do things turn out in this way when it is not supposed to be.
i really hope things to be over real soon.
i really hate to be pretending that nothing is happen.

dear god, please let things be over soon cause i am scare i won't be able to take it anymore. i can't take this pain alone. i can't bear this grief in me. lord, i know you will be there for me when i need you. i know you are always there. lord, i really don't want them to quarrel, cause i just want them to be happy always. let them know that i dislike it when they quarrel. i might not be able to help anything, but lord, i am laying this burden into your hand. guide me through this time. i don't want to be sad when i am supposed to be happy. lord, i am handing over all into your hands.